Little Lights

I saw a YouTube clip today of Diane Keaton talking about a new movie. Before the interview got underway I took notice of how really genuinely pretty she looked. Now, hopefully I dont get in trouble for saying this but she is 67 years old. It got me thinking about Beauty and how it means something specific to each and every person. It got me thinking about what it means to me. Now Im a Makeup Artist and I work so closely with women and girls of all ages. Usually when someone comes to me for something its because they want to look...how do you say...better. I hear quite frequently clients say things like, "Oh, I dont know, you know I dont feel very pretty anymore" or "I'm ok with my looks I just wish I didnt have this or that" or most commonly, "I feel like I look old or drab". And truly most of the time what they see is exaggerated in their view but the truth is that it doesnt matter if what they see is really there or not because they believe it is and this dictates how they feel about themselves and in turn how they relate to the world. Ive said it before that most people see how they feel not really how they look, and spend a great deal of time over correcting imaginary problems with commitaphobic fixes or worst, damaging ones.
So what does Beauty mean to me? I had to think about it actually. Apart from the obvious initial standards of beauty, I realized what I find the most beautiful is that little light around a person. It makes me so interested in them, so curious. Unfortunately for me, I tend to see that light in its very unique expression in every person. Stronger in the ones I find I have a connection of some sort with. Sometimes I see it and its all I pay attention to and thats never good. We have to stand back and look at people not just for their potential, or the deep truth inside of them, but for who they are in this life. But for the purpose of Beauty in this blog I find that I try my best to accentuate that light in my clients. But the funny thing is that it isnt cultivated by cosmetics. Its a brightness that is fed by something else. Now, I dont know what it is yet but Im sure its some sort of spirituality, bla bla bla...But for someone like me who has searched ad infinitum for an answer to the God question, or a method that would produce him/her/it whatever, Ill tell you that Ive found little in the way of a clue but Im 37 years old now; Ive lived a pretty chaotic life thats had its share of pain, disappointment, and grief and so far Ive found (when Im capable of doing it anyway) that the best medicine and consequently, beauty balm, is the calmness that is produced (and its subsequent relief), when I can go inside and find comfort and guidance in a relationship with myself that could never be replicated outside of me. There is not one single person on this planet that knows what its been like to be me. No one knows what its been like to be you. When I finally developed even the beginning stages of humility and forgiveness for myself and I could finally go inside without the fear or resistance, I found  the only person that understood, Me, and Grace happened. I dont know what other people will think about my looks as I age, or my gray hair, or my body that just wont seem to go down a size but I suspect that maybe I wont care when Im 67. I hope I dont. I hope I shine as bright as Diane Keaton.

---